Epic Failures

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Obviously that's not me but I couldn't possibly recreate what I did again without potentially fracturing my head or breaking my back. Still in pain today.
 
Here's a few epic fail stories for you all to hear:

My family attended one of my dads' friends summer BBQ. They got drunk of course! They all dared each other to cycle down the garden steps and all epicly fail! My dad does it successfully! His friends yell "fluke, do it again!" of which my dad obliged. He then fell off, dislocated his shoulder and also fractured his collarbone. He was off work for months! Never again!

Another epic fail involves my father, who was a wood machinist, cutting some wood to make a bed frame in my upcoming bedroom. He somehow managed to slice the tendon between his finger and thumb, absolute carnage and blood everywhere! I had to run over to the pub to drag my mum home who was out playing darts with her friends. Very embarrassing indeed.

Lastly, my dad went into a random trance in the pub one evening. I had to rush home to get my mum, who again was getting ready to go out to darts. The pub landlady phoned for an ambulance because my dad wasn't making any sense. By the time I got back with my mum and her friends, he was asking what the hell had happened. He couldn't remember a thing!
 
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Sounds like your dad may have suffered a seizure?

A neigbour has an annual house party celebrating the day they moved into their home. Last year was more entertaining than usual as one of them ended up falling into their fish pond. I'm not sure if the fish evacuated during the event.
 
Aviador said:
Sounds like your dad may have suffered a seizure?
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Unlikely. I think his trance state was related to his depression. His bike accident was due to tomfoolery and his finger slipped when cutting the wood. I feel for the new owners of my old house if they ripped the carpets up, it would have looked like a murder took place or something
 
Took the little one swimming this afternoon, completely misjudged the step into the kiddie pool and fell right in there! Luckily I somehow managed to keep the baby from going under. Very humiliating and there were tears...the baby cried too!
 
He is preparing for the fake election, the one he postpones indefinitely just to remain the bestest president ever. Meanwhile, he obliterates Iran, invades N. Korea, sells Alaska to his mate Putin and buys Scotland to create a 51st state.

Expect the unexpected with that man, entertaining and dangerous, but expect a full toothache from our own leaders, dull enough to send a person into a coma.
 
JENNYJET said:
Expect the unexpected with that man, entertaining and dangerous, but expect a full toothache from our own leaders, dull enough to send a person into a coma.
Click to expand...

I reckon that Trump and Alexander Boris de Pfeffel Johnson would make an excellent comedy double act on the stage although which one would be the straight man? Boris's spluttering delivery would be a sort of catch-phrase in itself, and Donald Trump's Colin Crompton-like haircut is surely an epic failure.

Probably not many of our members would remember Colin Crompton, he of the 1970s ITV programme The Comedians and later chairman of the Wheeltappers and Shunters Club also on ITV.

I met Boris once - very briefly when he was mayor of London. It was at the time of Bristol's first city mayoral elections (November 2012) and Boris had come West to support the Conservative candidate (he wasn't successful).

I encountered them doing a walkabout in the city centre and the opportunity was too good not to tackle Boris about a comment he'd made at the Conservative Party Conference the previous month.

I walked up to him and bid him, "Good afternoon Mr Mayor". He beamed and immediately offered his hand which, being a polite sort of person, I took despite my generic mistrust of most politicians.

Boris had boasted to the Tory Party Conference that he had rid the capital of the much disliked 'bendy buses' by sending them to Asia (I forget which country). I put that to him and he nodded eagerly until I went on, "No you didn't, some were sent to Bristol to operate some of the park and ride services."

Then right on cue, it looked as though it had been meticulously rehearsed, one came around the corner. I pointed and said, "And there's one of them over there". He looked across at the bus and in his machine-gun like delivery repled, "I got that wrong. I got that wrong. I got that wrong." It was almost like seeing a caricature of Boris and it made me smile to myself, and an epic failure in that he couldn't get all his despised bendy buses out of the country after all.

Bristol did get rid of the former London bendy buses a few years later.
 
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